musings
I've spent a week alone in a hotel, and I brought so much work here to do and yet I did so little of it. My motivation is so low. It's hard to change habits you've had for so long. And now I'm distraught after seeing Avengers: Endgame for the first time and honestly I don't know what to do with myself.
This was supposed to be a week to reset, but I'm nearing the end, I leave tomorrow, and it feels like I failed. I didn't complete any of the things on my list, and I'm still tired. You ever have that experience where you expect to have more hours than you actually do? Yeah. That's me, all the time, and this week when I really did have lots of time, I still...didn't. It doesn't help that my foot is still bothering me *too much* and I've refused to go back to the doctor to get it checked again.
Life...it passes me by all too easily. I'm complacent, and I don't want to be. Yes, I did explore the Indiana Dunes National Lakeshore on Monday and Michigan City on Wednesday, but why doesn't that feel like enough? I'm stuck in my head, and I have words clamoring to get out and then I erase all of them as I write. Not anymore. I'm just going to get out whatever I can.
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The creative process...traveling...learning...experiencing...these are all things that make us human. Creativity is given to us by God, the one and only Creator Himself. Because of Him, I can write. Because of Him, I can dream. Because of Him, I can explore.
By that same token, He's there to help me when life feels like it's crushing me and passing me by. None of this actually makes sense to a lot of people, and heck it barely makes sense to me. But the greatest good news there is is that even when I feel like my failures are overwhelming and I'm never going to be enough...I don't have to be. Because I can't be. We celebrated Easter last weekend, and with it is the glorious reminder that Jesus is EVERYTHING. He is the Way, the Truth, and the Life.
So when I feel like life is passing me by, and like I don't have enough hours in the day, and that I'll never be *enough*, I have to take a moment and remember that no matter what, Jesus is enough. My salvation is outside of me.
****************************************
None of that really fits together, I guess. Here I am second guessing myself again and now it's kind of a stream-of-consciouness thing. I'm gonna share here more often, even if I don't share the blog itself anywhere else. If I don't consistently write my thoughts, however inconsistent they may be, I'll never get anywhere in this creative process.
This was supposed to be a week to reset, but I'm nearing the end, I leave tomorrow, and it feels like I failed. I didn't complete any of the things on my list, and I'm still tired. You ever have that experience where you expect to have more hours than you actually do? Yeah. That's me, all the time, and this week when I really did have lots of time, I still...didn't. It doesn't help that my foot is still bothering me *too much* and I've refused to go back to the doctor to get it checked again.
Life...it passes me by all too easily. I'm complacent, and I don't want to be. Yes, I did explore the Indiana Dunes National Lakeshore on Monday and Michigan City on Wednesday, but why doesn't that feel like enough? I'm stuck in my head, and I have words clamoring to get out and then I erase all of them as I write. Not anymore. I'm just going to get out whatever I can.
**************************************
The creative process...traveling...learning...experiencing...these are all things that make us human. Creativity is given to us by God, the one and only Creator Himself. Because of Him, I can write. Because of Him, I can dream. Because of Him, I can explore.
By that same token, He's there to help me when life feels like it's crushing me and passing me by. None of this actually makes sense to a lot of people, and heck it barely makes sense to me. But the greatest good news there is is that even when I feel like my failures are overwhelming and I'm never going to be enough...I don't have to be. Because I can't be. We celebrated Easter last weekend, and with it is the glorious reminder that Jesus is EVERYTHING. He is the Way, the Truth, and the Life.
So when I feel like life is passing me by, and like I don't have enough hours in the day, and that I'll never be *enough*, I have to take a moment and remember that no matter what, Jesus is enough. My salvation is outside of me.
****************************************
None of that really fits together, I guess. Here I am second guessing myself again and now it's kind of a stream-of-consciouness thing. I'm gonna share here more often, even if I don't share the blog itself anywhere else. If I don't consistently write my thoughts, however inconsistent they may be, I'll never get anywhere in this creative process.
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